In his new monthly column, Mike Oliver explores the seven deadly sins of corporate communications.

Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them...well I have others.”  So said Groucho Marx in a world no less complicated, subvertible and downright hypocritical than the one in which our corporate brands find themselves today. Whatever your organisational values, you might still fall prey to some age-old problems. See if any of these scenarios ring a bell…

Lust Your company’s made its name on the promise of ‘refreshing the world.’ Integrity and accountability are at the heart of your values. Surely, you’ve got safeguards in place to ensure you don’t just hawk your wares at any old event, regardless of the political climate? No? You’ve just succumbed to a whopping great bout of market lust. Well done. I suggest you make amends by trying to promote your progressive liberalism to a much safer market during, say, the Superbowl. Oh, hang on…

Gluttony Your entire sector has just been through a period of wholesale public hatred based on the global financial collapse your malpractices have triggered. You’ve promised to be all about doing the right thing from now on and to build a sustainable, values-driven business. And then, in plain view of the seething masses, you go back to paying out huge bonuses to failing executives while refusing to lend to small businesses and households.

Greed You’ve gone the extra mile to try and instill the value of integrity throughout your construction business across 200 countries, lest you fall foul (again) of regulators. The value is interpreted as fair and transparent in many quarters. Unfortunately, you soon discover that you’ve stopped winning quite so many contracts because you’ve openly stopped cutting corners in the tenders. Re-interpret the value as meaning strong.

Sloth You’ve got some bog-standard values – respect/ integrity/communication/excellence. Perfect for telling the world that you’re not full of crooks, that you operate professionally and are – above all – committed to doing things right. The trouble is you’ve decided to do absolutely nothing to turn those messages into reality.

Wrath You are the new CEO of an enormous division of an even huger blue chip. As a means of trying to bring cohesion to your 60,000 or so worldwide staff, you introduce some entry-level values. At your first exec meeting after their launch, your steely gaze lands on a regional director whose people have been a bit tardy in embracing the set. You bawl and scream at him and evict him from the session. And what were the values in question? Well, one was teamwork, another respect.

Envy Your brand has achieved success over a period of time through having a plan and a keen sense of what it’s all about. Then another player comes along with a refreshing outlook on the world and throws you into turmoil. Despite having innovation and creativity as brand pillars, you spend your waking hours learning how to copy and ‘steal with pride.’

Pride You announce your spanking new values to the world and chief amongst them is the word ‘pride.’ ‘We are proud of what we do and how we do it’ is your intent. Unfortunately, you haven’t grasped that pride – like trust – is an output, not an input. Your people are unsure of what they’re specifically proud of.

So, how can you avoid any of these howlers? Remember that your organisation will be judged almost entirely by the commitment you are seen to make to your values. So, pick the right ones. Make sure they are linked inextricably to your vision and purpose. Let them inspire your stakeholders. Let them guide your decisionmaking. And on no account ignore or change them to suit short-term issues. Groucho would have a field day with that.

Mike Oliver is a director at Radley Yeldar.